punto.cu
Cuban monthly publication on Computer Science and Communications
Published by the Cuban Ministry of Telecommunication
Number 34 August-September 2005
[This newspaper is not on line.]

Acknowledgements
By Mercedes Azcano Torres

A CubaNews translation.
Edited by Walter Lippmann

The prize to the best engineering project of CACA, which is not what you think [caca is Spanish for shit ] but an acronym for Casa Astronómica Cibernética Automotriz, would be awarded that night.

Lalo had already written his acknowledgements speech, as he was certain he would win the award with his “Satellite Communications Program for the Reorganization of Taxi-Bike Circulation in Old Havana”.

His program would mean the end of cyclists drowning in pot-hole pools and guarantee satisfaction for the “masses” by stopping the humiliation of fat people by insensitive drivers.

From now on, each taxi-bike would be equipped with a satellite positioning device, and with just a simple investment on cellular phones Havana would have solved its public transport woes.

It was difficult for CACA to choose the best project, because many of the papers had outstanding quality, for example the one on “Nuclear Robotics to Determine the Influence of Sun Spots on the “Fringe Benefits” of Agromarket Butchers and their Impact on Price Hikes”.

But Lalo was sure the prize was his; because the novelty of his project meant a revolution in the communication system of the country that would move from whistle shouts and catcalls to cybernetic encryption.

With the elegance required by the occasion, Lalo, his wife Carmen and his son Felito, entered the Celebration Hall where the competitors and his families gathered like ants on a pie.

By the time the announcement was finally made, Lalo had bitten away all his fingernails. When the MC read out his name he walked to the podium and almost dropped the much sought prize: the Glass Slipper.

With tears in his eyes, our man pulled out the paper with his speech.

“Colleagues and friends, for many years I have waited for this moment to express my gratitude, because thanks to you I see my efforts crowned today”

“I will start by thanking my father who with his first punch made me see the stars and satellites. Then my wife who with her sexual harassment made me choose between committing suicide or devoting my nights to research.”

“Felito, my son, motivated my interest in taxi-bikes due to the contusions and beatings I suffered on board the “camellos” [popular name given to articulated buses serving city transport] to take him to the Aquarium, the park or the beach.”

“My mother in law I thank for her stimulating words, ‘This son-in-law of mine is really stupid. Instead of putting his mind to repairing VCR’s and making a buck, he spends his time doing scientific nonsense’.”

“I will not forget to mention my workmates and all their booby-trapping and backstabbing. To my boss, a special recognition for assigning me to the least necessary tasks at the most inconvenient hours and for depriving me of holidays.”

“The list would be too long if I mentioned the names of all my friends and neighbors who with their relentless envy stimulated my work. So, I conclude these acknowledgements with a candid, ‘To hell with all of you!”.