Cristal:
the Price of Identifying as a Woman
by Dalia Acosta, SEM
A CubaNews translation by Joseph Mutti.
Edited by Walter Lippmann
Life changes when night falls. Cristal dresses in a very short mini-skirt,
carefully combs her hair, puts on make-up with expertise, slips on high heels
and goes out into the street to defy the world.
“That’s when there’s not a soul who can say I was born a man. This is my daily
quota of happiness. I like to feel this way…a woman”, she told SEM in the
Provincial Center for the Prevention of Sexually Transmitted Infections and AIDS
in the western province of Pinar del Río (140 km from Havana) where she works as
a health counselor and is accepted as she is.
A lot had to happen to reach this point. From the moment she discovered that she
only felt comfortable dressed as a woman - feeling like a woman in body and soul
- she also felt that “there are things in life that must be done with great
dignity and pride.”
“I told myself ‘Whatever happens, I want to do this' and I took the direction
that I needed to take. I had to be what I felt inside”, added Cristal.
.
Now, when she gets to the classroom where she is taking a further education
course to finish her studies, she breathes deep and walks in: “Every day it is a
different war. They won't accept me in the activities and I cannot put on
earrings, or paint my fingernails or use a hair clip. But if they want me to
leave they'll have to throw me out.”
As with so many transvestites and transsexuals, Cristal found herself on the
street one day without a roof to sleep under or a relative willing to take her
in. “Small town, big hell”, they say in Cuba, and Pinar del Río turned into hell
for Cristal.
“My mother and my father got divorced and I raised myself with my grandmother’s
help. She had a very strong character - I think that somewhere along the way I
picked that up from her - but she was proud of being very ‘anti-faggot', and
would not tolerate homosexuals. She didn't allow me to go to pre-university
because she said that it would make me lose my manliness”, recounts Cristal.
For her grandmother “everybody was either a homosexual or a bandit” who could
pervert her grandson. When, at 16, Cristal had her first relationship with a
man, her grandmother threw her out of the house. “He was a doctor and he
mistreated me. The relationship didn't last six months and my grandmother took
me back in. It was madness. She didn't want me to get dressed as a woman and I
once again found myself on the street.”
With time, the family house passed into the hands of Cristal’s mother and uncle,
and things went from bad to worse. “My uncle was a headache; he hit me
constantly. I was 17 years old when he forbade me return to the house, but I was
going to leave anyway. I was worried that if he saw me any more he would hurt my
mother.”
Thus she permanently took on her identity and began to work in transvestite
shows that proliferated in a semi-clandestine way, underground.
When she found out she was HIV positive Cristal fell into such a deep depression
that she wanted to die and, in fact, tried to commit suicide. However, as
paradoxical as it may seem, HIV saved her.
“I took a health worker course for men that have sex with other men and I have
been working as a counselor for three years. I understand the illness and began
to look at things differently - to accept me for myself and not think that my
life was over…quite the opposite.”
http://www.semcuba.com/estasemananew.htm
Violencia: Cristal, el precio de sentirse mujer
Por Dalia Acosta
|
La vida cambia cuando cae la noche. Cristal viste
su falda de mezclilla bien corta, peina su pelo con esmero,
maquilla su rostro como pocas saben hacerlo, se pone un par de
tacones altos y sale a la calle a desafiar al mundo. |
“Me dije ‘quiero hacer esto pase lo que pase' y tomé el rumbo
que debía tomar. Tenía que ser lo que yo sentía”, afirma.
Ahora, cuando entra al aula del curso de superación integral, una forma de
terminar y continuar estudios, respira profundo y sigue adelante: “Todos los
días es una guerra distinta. No me aceptan en las actividades, no puedo
ponerme aretes, pintarme las uñas o usar hebilla para recogerme el pelo.
Pero yo ahí, si quieren que me vaya tienen que botarme”.
Como tantos travestis y transexuales, Cristal se vio un día en la calle, sin
un techo para dormir y ningún familiar dispuesto a aceptarlo. “Pueblo
chiquito, infierno grande”, dicen en Cuba, y justo en un infierno se
convirtió para Cristal la ciudad occidental de Pinar del Río, a 140
kilómetros de La Habana.
“Mi madre y mi padre se divorciaron y yo me crié con mi abuela. Ella tenía
un carácter muy fuerte, creo que por ahí salí a ella, pero se enorgullecía
de ser muy ‘antipájara', no podía con los homosexuales. No me dejó entrar al
preuniversitario porque decía que iba a perder mi hombría”, cuenta Cristal.
Para la abuela “todo el mundo era un homosexual o bandido” y podía pervertir
a su nieto. Cuando tuvo su primera relación con un hombre, a los 16 años, la
abuela la botó de la casa. “Él era un médico y me maltrataba. La relación no
pasó de los seis meses y mi abuela me recibió de vuelta. Fue una locura. No
quería que me vistiera de mujer y me vi de nuevo en la calle”.
Pasó el tiempo, la casa de la familia quedó en manos de la madre de Cristal
y su hermano, y las cosas fueron de mal en peor. “Mi tío era un dolor de
cabeza; me golpeaba todo el tiempo. Tenía 17 años el día que me prohibió
volver a la casa y yo iba de todas formas, pero tenía miedo de que si él me
veía le hiciera daño a mi madre”.
Entonces asumió definitivamente su identidad y empezó a trabajar en
espectáculos de travestis que proliferaban de manera semiclandestina,
subterránea.
Cuando supo que era portador del virus de inmunodeficiencia humana (VIH,
causante del sida), Cristal cayó en un estado depresivo tan profundo que
quiso morir y, de hecho, intentó suicidarse. Sin embargo, por paradójico que
parezca, el VIH lo salvó.
“Pasé el curso para promotores de salud entre hombres que tienen sexo con
otros hombres y hace tres años que soy promotor de salud. Entendí la
enfermedad, empecé a mirar las cosas de otra manera, a aceptarme a mí mismo,
a no pensar que la vida se acabó para mi…todo lo contrario”.
(El trabajo completo sólo para suscriptores semcuba@ceniai.inf.cu )