(Servicio Especial de la Mujer is a Cuba-based news agency
which features a large range of information on sex, sexuality,
gender and family relations and related topic.)
===============================================

“Mom, I’m a Lesbian”
by Mariana Ramírez-Corría SEM

CubaNews translation by Joseph Mutti.
Edited by Walter Lippmann

http://www.semcuba.com/Sexualidad%20new.htm 

“I was very tense, and I said it to my mom without thinking twice: 'Mom, I’m a lesbian'", the woman who wants to be called Tania told SEM.

Looking at her fixedly, with great love, her mother simply told her: “These things happen. People are different, but many are not prepared to accept this. You have to think it out very carefully because you will not feel too comfortable on many occasions in your life."

Tania's mother relates that, after the initial blow, she felt a visceral and harrowing sensation that she could not rationalize nor alleviate.

She explains that when one has daughters, the expectations are that they will eventually marry and make us grandmothers. It’s a lot of work to break the social scheme of things.

Then came the blame. Parents who discover their children are homosexual tend to think that they brought them up badly.

Tania recognizes that she has been lucky. She has never been discriminated against, although she supposes that it’s because she doesn’t scream her homosexuality in all directions.

In Cuba everything appears to indicate that lesbians continue to be the more hidden and excluded part of the homosexual population, at between four and six percent of the 11.2 million inhabitants on the island, according to conservative calculations.

Tania's mother, Magda Benítez, who is 44 years old with two daughters, admits: “I didn't have anything against homosexuals, but neither did I want one at home.”

According to a journalistic investigation carried out by SEM in 2003, it appears that there is a more objective view of homosexuality today in comparison to 10 years ago, although society’s rejection toward gays and, especially, lesbians is still high.

To Tania's mother there were other matters that tormented her: “She could be treated if I take her to a doctor", she admits she asked herself as she worried at night.

In her mind, she imagined her daughter with other women and was ashamed to think of the details of courtship or intimacy. She could neither tolerate nor avoid it.

"And, on top of this, was the stigma. Until one has lived this, you don't notice the enormous social intolerance against what detracts from the norm. Homophobia is perceived in things so banal as jokes that, seen from this side, are very hurtful", she adds.

Doctor María del Carmen Rodríguez, a specialist at the Salvador Allende Hospital, explained to SEM that this social treatment ends up causing suicides, addictions and destroyed lives not only suffered by the homosexual person, but by the entire family.

In our society there continues to be a high proportion that persists in its social rejection, against 24 percent who say that in recent years they have noticed a tendency to see homosexuality as “something normal”.

For 78 percent, the approach of authorities and institutions is now appropriate. The significant thing is that 10 years ago, this was only at 43 percent.

"It is such a valid orientation - as much as the heterosexual one - I don't see the difference", she told one of 22 lesbians in the Cuban capital that consented to be interviewed by SEM. All are aged between 30 and 40, are university graduates and employed in professional positions.

"My head was in chaos" says Tania's mother, “but one day I met with the mother of a homosexual and we talked a lot. She introduced me to two or three mothers who met to think about ways of treating their children.”

One day they decided to meet and consult a psychologist. It was the best thing that they could have done.

"Tania and I speak a lot and little by little we gave each other emotional and unconditional support. We had talks in which we spoke of our fears and doubts and of our love", she told us.

"And do you know what? I also left the closet. The last taboo was eliminated when I placed my daughter's picture with her partner next to those of the family. I looked at the woman she chose for her life partner. I like her, she has made my daughter happy, and for this I am grateful and love her", she concluded.

 

Cuba: "Mamá, soy lesbiana"

Por Mariana Ramírez-Corría

“Yo estaba muy tensa y se lo dije a mi mamá sin pensarlo dos veces: 'mamá, soy lesbiana'", cuenta a SEM quien ha querido ser llamada Tania.

Mirándola fijamente, con gran amor, la madre sólo le dijo: "estas cosas pasan, hay personas diferentes, pero la gente no esta preparada para aceptar eso. Tienes que pensarlo muy bien porque te vas a sentir mal muchas veces en la vida".

La madre de Tania relata que, después del golpe inicial, sintió una sensación visceral y desgarradora que no podía racionalizar ni aliviar.

Cuando se tienen hijas, las expectativas son que eventualmente se casarán y nos harán abuelas. Cuesta trabajo romper el esquema social, explica.

Luego viene la culpa. Los padres que descubren la homosexualidad de sus hijos tienden a pensar que los educaron mal.

Tania reconoce que ha tenido suerte. Nunca se ha sentido discriminada, aunque supone que puede ser porque no anda gritando a los cuatro vientos su homosexualidad.

En Cuba todo parece indicar que las lesbianas continúan siendo la parte más oculta y marginada de la población homosexual, estimada entre el 4 y el 6 por ciento de los 11,2 millones de habitantes de la isla, según cálculos conservadores.

Todo lo contrario a la madre de Tania, Magda Benítez, de 44 años y madre de dos hijas confiesa: "yo no tengo nada en contra de los homosexuales, pero tampoco quiero ninguno en casa".

Según una investigación periodística realizada por SEM en 2003, pareciera existir una valoración más objetiva de la homosexualidad si se compara con la situación hace 10 años, aunque todavía es alto el rechazo de la sociedad hacia los gays y, sobre todo, hacia las lesbianas.

A la madre de Tania había otros asuntos que la mortificaban: "podría curarse si la llevo a un medico", nos confiesa que se preguntaba en sus desvelos nocturnos.

En su interior, imaginaba cómo sería el acercamiento de su hija a otras mujeres; se avergonzaba al pensar en los detalles del cortejo o la intimidad. No lo podía tolerar, pero tampoco evitar.

"Y, encima, el estigma. Hasta que uno lo vive, no se percata de la enorme intolerancia social en contra de lo que sale de la norma. La homofobia se percibe en cosas tan banales como los chistes, que ya vistos de este lado son muy hirientes", agrega.

La doctora María del Carmen Rodríguez, especialista del Hospital Salvador Allende, explica a SEM que este tratamiento social llega a provocar suicidios, adicciones y vidas destrozadas que no padecen sólo los homosexuales sino toda la familia.

En nuestra sociedad sigue siendo alto el grupo que señala la persistencia del rechazo social, frente al 24 por ciento que admite que en los últimos tiempos se nota un trato que 'tiende a lo normal'.

Para el 78 por ciento, el tratamiento de autoridades e instituciones es ahora el adecuado. Lo significativo es que hace 10 años, sólo opinaba así el 43 por ciento.

"Es una orientación tan válida, como la heterosexual, no veo la diferencia", dijo una de las 22 lesbianas de la capital cubana que accedieron a ser entrevistadas por SEM, todas entre 30 y 40 años de edad, universitarias y ocupadas en puestos profesionales.

"Mi cabeza era un caos" nos dice la mamá de Tania, pero un buen día me encontré con la mamá de un homosexual y conversamos mucho. Ella me presentó a dos o tres madres que se reunían, a veces, para plantearse modos de tratar a sus hijos e hijas.

Un día decidieron reunirse e ir a consultar a una sicóloga. Fue lo mejor que hicieron.

"Tania y yo hablamos mucho y poco a poco nos dimos apoyo emocional e incondicional. Tuvimos charlas en las que hablamos de nuestros miedos y dudas y de nuestro amor", nos dijo.

"¿Saben que? Yo también salí del closet. El último tabú lo eliminé al colocar la foto de mi hija y su pareja junto a las de la familia. Miré a la mujer que eligió para compañera de vida. Me cae bien, la ha hecho feliz, por ello le estoy agradecida y la quiero", concluyó.



home