Sexo sentido [Sex sense]
Red light ... To proceed or to
wait?
Having sexual relations during menstruation does not have
contraindications.
Each couple is free to decide what to do, in
accordance with the well-being of both.
By: Mileyda Menéndez
Email: mileyda@jrebelde.cip.cu
9 August 2008 00:27:58 GMT
A CubaNews translation by Sue Greene.
Edited by Walter Lippmann.
Painting: Larroga
Centuries ago, women were repudiated during their menstrual time. In
some cultures, they were not even allowed to get close to the crops,
because it was feared that with only touching the plants, the
harvest would spoil. Neither were they allowed to talk about tending
to their gods while they were "impure" nor of having intimate
relations with their husbands.
But the world evolves and we with it, and as we already know, that
bleeding is nothing more than the natural way to remove endometrial
tissue from the uterus of fertile women. Today, many couples do not
see it as an obstacle to surrendering themselves to the pleasures of
the bed, while others prefer, however, to abstain during those days,
citing aesthetic or health reasons.
The topic was proposed to Sex Sense by several readers and we
disseminated the question among many others in order to gather,
above all, their subjective nuances, since clinically, there is no
pronouncement on the matter. From the responses received, we chose
those that best illustrate both sides:
Dayana, age 20: My partner and I do not have prejudices about that.
Clearly, a condom is indispensable, because the penis is in direct
contact with blood and the risk of contracting an STD [sexually
transmitted disease] is multiplied.
Roberto, age 22: I am "cured of fright" after my first time with a
woman, at age 15. She was older and assured me that we could have
sex under those conditions. I doubted it, but I was not going to die
on the shore after swimming so much... so I turn off the light and I
seized a condom.
Indira, age 22: I do not lose my sexual appetite when I menstruate.
It is a different experience, which I enjoy only once a month and I
see no reason to deprive myself of it... except for oral sex: it is
not necessary to go to "extremes."
Leandro, age 29: Imagine for yourself, my partner is very irregular
in her menstruation. In addition, it presents itself for each of 15
days out of every 40, so we had to uninhibit ourselves by fortitude
or our sex lives would be very limited. We called the Helpline and
an adviser explained to us that if we always protected ourselves, we
would not have problems.
To get passed with recording
dates
Those who object to such arguments confess plenty of scruples for
sexual interchange, but their reasons are also worthy of respect,
since in the well-being of a couple, the opinion on both sides must
weigh equally.
Ernesto, age 32: I do not enter into that, and my girlfriend knows
it quite clearly. In those days I do not touch her at all. She
respects my decision and keeps a distance to avoid frustrations.
Orlando, age 45: Maybe it is because I belong to another generation,
but I differ with the position that some people assume in this
regard. I am a biologist and I respect nature above everything. If
it is natural that a woman menstruates every 28 days, a man should
not alter that occurrence in any way. I do not know anyone who has
died from abstaining sexually a few days, but yes, several who have
contracted HIV... and that is one of the most direct ways.
Susel, age 26: It is an embarrassing situation. In those days I feel
uncomfortable even going to the bathroom. Really, I do not imagine
having relations under those circumstances. Once I tried it but I
could not even undress myself.
Other women confessed to not doing it because of listening to the
view of grandmothers or mothers, but they recognize that if
menstruation is not very painful and there are not abundant losses,
in those days their libido is not lower, and the peace of mind of
not getting pregnant opens up new prospects in the relationship.
Darlen, age 25: I do not know if there is any physiological or
psychological explanation, but it is true that my pain disappears
when I have sexual relations, and of course lubrication is not a
problem in those days.
Olivia, age 19: I do not know how to explain it, but my sexual
appetite is exacerbated in that period, which has brought me not
just a few conflicts with some partners. In the end, I managed to
seduce even the most biased and none complain about the results. It
is a question of communicating, of adapting oneself to the
conditions.
Specialists consulted for this page also demonstrated diverse
positions, more in tune with their personal taste than with the
precepts of their specialty, but they endorse the risks and benefits
mentioned by the readers and they emphasize the need for extreme
hygiene during those days.
It is a question of willingness and personal freedom, they affirm.
We merely want to call upon a reflection on some points: if this is
a period that usually lasts four or five days (with greatest flow
between 24 and 48 hours after starting) and a woman can anticipate
it in the majority of cases, what reason would she have to choose
that date to initiate a romance, to spend a honeymoon or to pass the
time "letting loose" with strangers?
There are many methods to calculating, and even delaying the arrival
of menstruation. A red light can stop traffic across an avenue, and
before ignoring it, it is good to calculate all the risks, known or
to be known.
Ask up front
D.R.: I recently suffered a break-up in a relationship of three
years. Recently, I found a very good young man, but soon he will not
be. The worst thing is that his girlfriend waits for him in another
place and always calls him. He was honest with me. He told me he
still wants her. I do not know whether to stay with him or to leave
him. He does not want anything formal. Please advise me. I am 22
years old.
You found a young man, but yet you do not enjoy a new relationship.
This boy is making clear to you that presently his love is for
another, whom he considers his girlfriend. On the other hand, you
are for him an informal connection while he waits for his departure
which also implies a re-encounter with his partner.
Your radical election is in accepting this transitory bond without
commitment or choosing solitude until someone capable of loving you
arrives. In any case, your break-up is a matter of time. It is left
up to you to accelerate that separation or to wait for it to happen
with his goodbye. Although you do not want it, you are exposed to a
forthcoming break-up.
With his sincerity he implants his conditions and warns you what you
can expect from this bond. Now it is your turn to assess whether you
are willing to continue even though he does not offer you more than
the possibility of a fleeting romance. It will help you to determine
if what you experience at his side allows you to tolerate his
conditions. This only you can know.
Sometimes to define our position in the face of a situation becomes
difficult. Conflicts are situations that require us to choose
assuming risks. That is, when choosing a position, we can lose at
the same time that we win. Sometimes we only choose between two
equally desirable or undesirable options, but deciding always
involves assuming the risk of being wrong, giving up something that
we also want or that maybe is not as bad or as good as the chosen
thing. To remain in the situation, living it as a conflict is also
risky to resolve.
Nobody can say what is best for you except you yourself. You know
what to expect from him. Now you must define your position and act
accordingly.
Mariela Rodríguez Méndez: Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology.
Counselor in STDs and HIV / AIDS.
Sexo sentido