Sexo sentido Does love depend on age to succeed?The age gap in a couple can only be a disadvantage if one member’s projects are subordinated to the other member’s interests. By: Mileyda Menéndez / e-mail: mileyda@jrebelde.cip.cu
Si un día me faltas no
seré nada, y al mismo tiempo lo seré todo «My family doesn’t understand this relationship... They think that since I’m more than 40 I have no right to fall in love, much less with someone who’s almost 20 years my junior». «I wish he could dress like people of my age! But the outside is the only thing I’d change, for inside we’re one and the same. Just imagine, I met him thanks to a common passion: stamp collecting; we’re both mature, admire each other and have a great time, because I need someone like that, who can ‘fill me up’». «True, I can’t expect much from this kind of relationship, but there’s no way to say whether or not the couple will remain together five or ten years from now. The age gap is just another thing to deal with in matters of love, unlike cases when there are marked differences of interests or viewpoints». «I enjoy every single thing: every call, every moment we have together, every poem we write for each other, every little detail... It’s been four wonderful years, and it would have been even better had some of our closest ones accepted us instead of suffering for it and making us suffer in turn». «Some people tell us to take no heed of them and go on with it... but that’s impossible, because they’re important people in our life and we love them very much, although they’re not everything there is. Some day they’ll have to learn that their own happiness lies in letting others be happy in any way they choose». «Perhaps those people who make fun of us or give us a disdainful look in the street have never lived as intensely as I do now... It’s not something I was specifically looking for, I didn’t even expect it, but it came, and it’s nice, and I’m not going to give it up just to get everybody’s approval». «After all, happiness comes in different sizes and shapes to each couple. If you find no one your own age to love, do you have to restrain your feelings for someone either younger or older just because people don’t understand or find it ludicrous?» «Those barriers are put up by society itself in its fear of what’s different. As if love weren’t always different! No couple is like any other; even the same person changes with every relationship, and if it’s for the best, why not welcome it?» MATH BETWEEN LOVERS?This time Sexo Sentido will reveal no interviewee’s name, and not at their request, but because their stories are just a small sample among dozens we have received by mail in the last few months from people seeking advice or claiming that little space has been devoted to this issue in our pages. A young man wrote: «What can I do so she can take me back, face up to her daughter and mother and make them understand that I care not for the past, but only for the years I’m willing to live with her affection?» As a rule, the «sin» is no other than to rebel against the prejudice, at times well-meaning, of those who reserve the right to meddle, to censure, to stand in the way and even to forbid a romance in the worst possible way, sometimes using psychological blackmail, revealing nothing but their own intolerance and ignorance. Several readers believe that age disparity in a couple can provide a chance to learn; however, most doubt if such relationships will last very long. Some still insist that a man in his twenties must not be with a woman who’s pushing 40 or more, since she «won’t be able to breed and then he will be frustrated and reproachful». Such reasoning overlooks at least two important modern-day fact: first, not all men hope to create a family of their own; and second, thanks to the progress achieved in healthcare –or maybe due to the professional interests imposed by modern life– an increasing number of women give birth to their first or second child when they’re 35 and above and take no account of their partner’s age. This growing trend has caught the attention of sexologists from all over the world, who discuss these issues in their conferences out of a heartfelt desire to lend a helping hand to these couples as they cope with society, rather than for the subject as such, since love is not contraindicated at any stage of a person’s biological cycle. AGE DOESN’T MATTERThe alleged generation gap is not an obstacle to building a positive relationship in which both members «grow» together, nourishing their emotional commitment, affection, common interests, mutual attraction and preferences. So says Ana María Cano, a psychologist at the National Center for Sex Education (CENESEX), who admits to a likely disadvantage is the fact that, as time goes by, one of the members in a couple –usually the younger one– develops interests or makes plans which might just not be so exciting or important to the other, older one. «As people love more intensely, they aim for a higher quality of life and thus become a different person. What matters is building and strengthening a relationship based on reciprocal love», affirms Ana María, as do many readers who often contact us through our website. That’s why we close with the words of Yanelis, a young woman who shared with us her views on this subject: «Time neither defines nor establishes anything: it’s just a physical quantity that leads us as we make our way in life. As long as we can count on those little things which keep us alive each day, such as affection, respect, gentleness, tenderness and, of course, love –which encompasses everything and is capable of washing away many things that we deem unimportant then, like age– and as long as two people are capable of nurturing, keep and live as a couple, I think no material argument can tamper with the relationship. Age is not a touchstone of experience. We learn something new every day, sometimes from whom we least expect it». Mariela Rodríguez Méndez holds a Master’s Degree in Psychology and offers counsel on STIs and HIV/AIDS. [1] If one day you’re not around I will be nothing / and at the same time everything / because in your eyes are my wings / and the shore where I drown. (T.N.).
|
||||
Sexo sentido
¿Determina la edad en
el éxito
|